I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense.
― Eve Ensler,
I’ve never really given much thought to my age. My Grandmother fought, denied, and punched the idea of aging in the face. To say she merely denied her age is being generous. The family didn’t dare whisper her age, celebrating her birthday was acceptable but there is an infamous story about her 75th birthday where a well meaning family member put up a giant banner declaring Happy 75th Birthday!! Time has faded my memory but I do remember that the banner was removed before she arrived. My Father recounts the story of finding a letter from the Prime Minister in her room, when she was living in an assisted living residence. It was congratulating her on one of her ‘big‘ birthdays. He offered to hang it for her and she balked at it, conveying her offence that the Prime Minister had the audacity to send a letter that actually stated her age.
My Grandmother was always dressed in heels and stockings, hair done, and bathed in Chanel number 5 when she left the house. She was put together, and I don’t think she would have ever thought about not leaving the house dressed. Despite her denial of the aging process she lived into her 90’s. I don’t think she understood my Mom outfit when she visited. My sweat pants with paint on them were for hanging around the house. My sweat pants that came with a jacket were for grocery shopping and picking the kids up at school, and yes I did on occasion drop off in pyjamas.
As I look back I honestly thought I would have a little more money saved, and not still be obsessing about my weight. In a nutshell I thought I would have my shit together.
Maybe next year.
Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.
― Gloria Steinem
Besides, it happens fast for some people and slow for some, accidents or gravity, but we all end up mutilated. Most women know this feeling of being more and more invisible everyday.
― Chuck Palahniuk,