doing better, Marriage


A very smart Lawyer I know says, ‘A tidal wave in a 3 year marriage, is but a ripple in the pond of a 30 year marriage.’

It has become somewhat of a tradition for Mike and I to forget our Anniversary. When my sister texted a Happy Anniversary yesterday morning I realized we had done it again.   I checked the calendar first of course, thinking she had been mistaken on the day.  I’m ashamed to say that I called Mike and said, ‘What day is our Anniversary?’  He laughed, then laughed again because we had both forgotten. Again.  I’ve told people the stories of our consistently forgetting our Anniversary, and I’m usually met with shock and pity.  To be honest it’s not like we need a reason to celebrate our marriage, or go out for dinner.  This is the second time around for both of us so we know that we have to work on our marriage every day.

This isn’t to say we don’t have our marital moments.

 ‘A tidal wave in a 3 year marriage, is but a ripple in the pond of a 30 year marriage.’

I think about this statement when I’m stepping over Mike’s stinky hockey equipment strewn across the basement floor to dry.   As I’m navigating the goalie pads, and holding my breath from the smell, I’m annoyed and picturing my life solo.  I’m visualizing not tripping over giant shoes kicked off in front of the door, or the suit coat that was thrown over the back of the kitchen chair. The satchel bulging with files dropped in the middle of the dining room table, and don’t get me started on his love of Starburst and any individual candy with a wrapper, the wrappers are everywhere.   I imagine myself sleeping in the middle of the bed, avoiding the 20 minute debate about what to watch on Netflix, not feeling guilty because I would rather stay home with a book and a glass of wine than go to dinner with other couples.  Not having to negotiate paint colours, or throw pillows, and let’s not even talk about bathroom habits.

Then, I picture my life without this crazy man and realize I’ve erased the for better, for worse, the sour and the sweet. The man who recognizes the fact that I need to be quiet in the morning despite his ability to leap out of bed, happy, ready to take on his day.   He has learned to place a cup of coffee beside me, then retreat until he senses I’m ready to face my own day.  Someone who thanks me every time I do laundry, or make him a meal.   I know that he will have already let the dog out and fed him, and that the dishwasher will be emptied before I’m even out of bed.    What about the man size socks and big fluffy hoodies that I liberate every winter?

The very smart lawyer who knows the difference between a tidal wave and a ripple, I married him, and I would marry him again tomorrow. Despite the stinky hockey equipment and my hanging up his suit jacket for the billionth time.

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About Melinda

Navigating life as an over 50 Goddess. Empty nester, twice married, once divorced, Mom, Stepmom, Miniature Dachshund owner, Post Menopausal, Canadian, all with a little humour and learning that When I Knew Better, I Did Better. I hope.
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